Life feels heavy right now.
I have been battling with a hurt ankle for 10 weeks, so I haven’t fully been able to train or jump in preparation for the Olympic Trials. I tried a cortisone shot 2 weeks ago and the improvement was short-lived. I tried jumping on Thursday and I couldn’t get off the ground without pain. Surprisingly, I came back two days later and took some pain free jumps. Maybe the bone moved around a bit to a less painful position? Regardless, I had some inflammation and bruising later afterwards. I tried running today but it was painful again.
Over the past 24 hours, I have played with the idea of not getting surgery and trying to find the best way possible to get down the runway at the end of June (less than 2 months away). It just seems like a coin toss between surgery or not. Surgery or not? They will both likely be painful, but which will be the least painful at the end of June?
The time to recover from surgery is limited. But it's not impossible. For sure, it’s a tight timeframe to get back up to full ability. Not to mention, to be competing among the best in the country. It’s a lot to ask. However, I have rested my foot for so long and it's still not better. It needs to be fixed anyway. I like to run and this is a life choice, not just a time-sensitive pole vault career choice.
This has been a dream of mine for years. I’ve finally qualified (I think... now I just have to wait and see if my mark holds).
And even if I am qualified, now I may not even be able to jump. That has been another painful reality to wrap my mind around. All this time put towards a goal. Then not being able to cross the finish line of what I have been working so hard towards. I can’t settle with the idea of earning the opportunity to compete at the Olympic Trials but then not being able to compete. So no matter what, I am going to try.
This is not the only storm I am facing right now.
My brother, Zach, had his first baby with his wife, Jess, on Friday, May 3rd but baby Leo got some meconium in his lungs at birth so he has been in the NICU and now children's hospital for better care. This happens sometimes with newborns and is not life-threatening. He should be better any day now, but it still pains me to see loved ones go through this.
Zach called me two nights before to make sure I had a happy birthday. He sounded so happy. The happiest I've truly ever seen him be. He has been so excited to be a dad. I want him to experience the joy of being a dad in life. I swear he was made to be one. He's already been such a great step-dad to Jess's two kids.
I know we will all get through this, one day at a time.
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