This year was supposed to be the Olympic year. It's not too often that you get to train for something as big as the Olympics, then completely fail at jumping anywhere near the Olympic A standard, THEN get a whole extra year to prepare because the Olympics gets postponed to 2021 due to a global pandemic. Talk about a do-over! This year, I wouldn't have even qualified for the Olympic Trials.
I am lucky things played out as they have this year, because I certainly didn't do what I needed to accomplish my goals. I take full responsibility for performing less than I am capable of.
Physically, I was capable of jumping 4.70m. I was stronger and faster than ever. My numbers in the weight room went up. I PR'ed in just about every lift and short run approach. In the weight room, I could hang clean 165 lbs, snatch 115 lbs, clean and jerk 125 lbs, and do 7 rope climbs without using my feet in less than an hour. On the runway, I jumped higher than every from 2 lefts, 3 lefts, 4 lefts, 5 lefts, and 6 lefts. At 7 and 8 lefts, I am still working on transferring that success into full approaches.
But now going back to why I underperformed. Why did I fail? Why did I not jump above 4.15m every meet, when my personal best is 4.40m?
My biggest downfall this year was my mind. I held myself back from accomplishing my goals by letting fear, doubt, and staying in my comfort zone. I let the pressures of the height standards rule my brain. Every meet that I jumped less than I wanted threw me into deeper frustration, negative thought process, and lack of hope. That cycle beat me up over and over again all of indoor season. In fact, I hit so low that I almost quit... twice. It came down to a make or break attitude to either get better or give up. I couldn't accept quitting knowing that I have more in the tank.
When COVID-19 hit, outdoor season was cancelled and the pressures of competing were lifted. I was able to rebuild and gain confidence. I started to relax and make progress again.
Instead of wasting so much time worrying about not hitting the marks I wanted, I was able to take a step back and focus on the process to make myself better. Focusing on the task at hand, and the little steps along the way helped me inch my way back up to where I needed to be.
Many lessons were learned in these few hard months.
Most importantly, I decided I wanted to get better more than I was afraid of trying. The simple decision to make any necessary changes became more automatic to where I was able to take the emotion out of decisions and just try more fearlessly (instead of second guessing whether I was ready or capable). The choice of being uncomfortable in order to gain success far outweighs the pain and frustration of stagnation.
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